


Leave It With Me

by cheapdate



Category: K-pop, Produce X 101 - Fandom, X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Confessions, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, just two sweet boys being sweet, yohan is a panicked gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 07:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20811407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheapdate/pseuds/cheapdate
Summary: Seungwoo seems to be struggling with something, but has trouble opening up. Yohan notices and gets more than he bargained for.





	Leave It With Me

**Author's Note:**

> I love all of these boys so much! Please enjoy my first X1 fic!

It feels strange to have a night off - a _true_ night off. Usually, a night off means being in bed by 9pm to be well rested for the 5:30 am wake up call, but tomorrow’s activities aren’t scheduled until noon. And so the boys take advantage of the rare occasion. They order in fried chicken and tteokbokki. The hyung line even manages to convince the handlers to swipe them a bottle of soju. The dorm common area is really too small for all of them at once, but they make it work, finding places to sit on the couches and on the floor and on each other. They keep the conversation light; the journey has been filled with many ups and downs, but tonight somehow feels celebratory. They laugh about choreo mishaps and wardrobe malfunctions and how Wooseok just can’t seem to keep his jacket on on stage. As the night progresses, their voices grow quieter and stretches of comfortable silence puncture the conversation. Seungyoun is passed out, lying face down on the floor holding a bag of shrimp chips. Hyeongjun fell asleep hours ago, curled up into a ball on the couch with his head resting on Junho’s lap. Minhee thanks them for the fun before excusing himself for the night and it feels almost emotional. One by one they begin to sleepily filter back to their rooms - full of good food and good feelings.

Seungwoo lingers behind, as he always does, seeing them all off. Once he’s alone and his brood of ducklings have safely retired to their designated places, he stands, idly collecting the trash they’d all mutually agreed to clean up together in the morning. He tosses the plastic cups and plates in the bin and takes the last swig of soju from the bottle before disposing it in the recycling container. It seems like he means to head to his own room for the night, but his feet carry him further down the hall, to the door of the dorm. He pauses before very slowly, very quietly, slipping out.

From the shadows of his bedroom doorway, Yohan watches, toothbrush and toothpaste clutched in his hand. He’d intended to make his way to the bathroom to complete his nightly hygiene routine, but after noticing his hyung, he’d found himself frozen in place instead. He’d silently watched Seungwoo leave, noticing a look of tension and intensity etched across his features as he crossed the hall. Yohan hesitates, considering just going about his business and then heading to bed as he’d set out to do, but even as he weighs his options in his head he already knows that isn’t going to happen.

Yohan is in tune with Seungwoo as much as somebody can be in tune with Seungwoo. There are plenty of times that X1’s leader joins in on the fun, laughing along with their crazy and often immature antics, playing along and embracing the ridiculousness of this insane ride they’re on together. But, then there are also pockets of time when he seems to completely close off and shut down his emotions. _He’s focused,_ they say. _He takes this all very seriously._ _He’s the oldest of the group._ But Yohan thinks there’s more to it. They’re all capable of working hard and concentrating on their tasks and having moments of intense seriousness, but something about Seungwoo is melancholy and heavy lurking beneath the surface. It distracts Yohan and makes him feel strangely...desperate? The feelings are complicated and scary and he hasn’t been able to bring himself to really unpack what they mean, though a warm flutter in his chest constantly threatens to expose a truth that he isn’t quite ready to face. Curiosity, anxiousness and a strange tug at his heart leads him forward and he finds himself stashing his toothbrush and toothpaste in the pockets of his sleep shorts as he heads out the door after Seungwoo.

The hall is empty, Seungwoo already long gone, but Yohan has an idea of where he might find him. He knows the seasoned leader is too smart to head outside onto the streets or to wander aimlessly through the building, but there’s a place they’ve been before that’s safe and hidden from potentially prying eyes. It’s the place where Seungwoo brought Yohan right after he’d sustained his ankle injury and was struggling to deal with the proposed timeline of recovery. He’d cried then - angry, frustrated tears; his heart heavy with guilt and disappointment. And Seungwoo had quietly let him, his arm draped across the budding center’s shoulders as Yohan had screamed curses up into the black night sky.

The roof.

He’s only halfway up the concrete stairwell when the emergency door comes into view, propped open with a small wedge of wood, and he knows his suspicions have been correct. The hint of anxiety he’d felt before has now fully bloomed in his chest and he suddenly wonders if his presence will be an unwanted interruption. But it doesn’t matter. Whatever burden Seungwoo seems to constantly be wrestling with needs interrupting.

When he makes it to the top of the stairs, he peeks around the open door and scans the roof. Despite the perpetual glow of Seoul, it’s quite dark and he squints as he waits for his eyes to adjust to the lack of light. The shadowy shapes start to become clear - a large, square metal air duct, a pallet covered in white shrink wrap, and … Seungwoo. His hyung is sitting on the ground, leaning back against the brick wall of a second stairwell entrance. Yohan swallows down a lump in his throat as he crosses the roof, his bare feet smacking against the concrete in an exaggerated way so as not to suddenly startle Seungwoo as he walks up. Slowly, Seungwoo turns, the hazy light of the nearby signs and buildings illuminating the angles of his pale face in an ethereal way. There is the tiniest nod of acknowledgement before he looks back out over the city, exhaling heavily. Yohan opens his mouth to speak, but finds his tongue dry and useless, so instead he simply leans back against the wall next to Seungwoo and slowly slides down to his butt. Seungwoo doesn’t seem to outwardly mind his presence, so he takes a few moments to collect himself and sort his thoughts.

“You okay?” Yohan asks, finally finding words. He tries to keep his voice upbeat and carefree, nudging Seungwoo’s shoulder with his own and offering a smile that is far too wide for the situation.

“I’m okay,” Seungwoo answers, pulling his knees up to his chest and lacing his fingers around them. He smiles back and returns the playful shoulder bump.

But, he’s lying. Yohan can tell by the way he clenches his jaw and subconsciously curls in on himself. There are other clues too - obvious ones like the fact that he’s even out here in the first place, and much more subtle tells like the way he’d answered in a slightly higher pitch than his usual cadence. They were details that Yohan had started to notice somewhere along the way, the significance of these practically imperceptible changes burned into him without ever making an actual effort to remember them.

“I... don’t think you are,” Yohan says evenly, trying not to sound accusatory or disrespectful. He smiles weakly and shrugs. “And I wish you’d talk to me… to someone… about it.” 

He looks down at the concrete between his legs, feeling suddenly self-conscious as Seungwoo shifts beside him. He hopes he isn’t crossing the line. Seungwoo is his leader, but he is also his friend. There’s a natural pecking order in the group, but they’re also a big family. Being at the top of the hierarchy means Seungwoo is always preoccupied with looking after everyone else. No one is ever handed down the responsibility of looking after him.  


For awhile they both simply look out at the skyline. Yohan doesn’t offer any more words and Seungwoo doesn’t offer any new insight… until, unexpectedly, he does.

“It’s weird,” Seungwoo says softly, running his hands through his hair. “I’m not unhappy now and I wasn’t unhappy before...with Victon. But sometimes it feels like my heart is broken.” He pauses, biting on his lower lip thoughtfully for a moment before saying, “maybe because it’s in two places at once.”

Yohan nods slowly, carefully masking his surprise at Seungwoo’s sudden candidness. But as he considers his hyung’s words, turning them over and around in his head, he realizes he doesn’t understand. Not really. This is all new and exciting to him and it’s the only true found family he’s ever known. When he left Taekwondo, it was because his heart wasn’t in it. When he walked away there was no hesitation or doubt. Not once has he ever felt the urge to look back or to consider the paths he’d abandoned in exchange for this one. But he can imagine what it would be like to be torn away from X1 and placed in a new group. To want two completely conflicting things at one time. On top of that, he knows all too well how much pressure and responsibility Seungwoo tries to shoulder on his own. He sighs heavily, feeling the weight of Seungwoo’s reality, and his heart pulls sharply in his chest. It makes him feel uncharacteristically bold.

“You could...” Yohan pauses and swallows hard, turning his head to look away from Seungwoo. “Just leave it with me for now.”  


There's a brief stretch of silence that feels like forever and Yohan wonders if he even spoke the sentiment out loud. But then, words...

“Leave what?”

Seungwoo’s voice sounds suddenly closer, but Yohan can’t bring himself to look back. He’s thankful that they’re sitting in the dark and his face is turned away into the shadows. He glances up at the night sky, his eyes darting back and forth between the few visible stars as his heart jackhammers within his chest. The incredible anxiousness of his very first audition. The stifling dread that accompanied every live results show. The absolute rush of stepping on stage for the first time as the official center of X1. All of those feelings seem to suddenly surge back at once, mixing together and making him feel dizzy. The stars spin.

“Your heart,” he mumbles quietly, immediately scrunching his face up into a cringe, the embarrassment physically hurting him. As soon as the words are tumbling out of his mouth he’s regretting them. It’s way too cheesy and definitely way too forward. He lifts one arm and reaches up toward the sky, as if he can somehow snatch the words out of the air and push them back between his lips.

“Yohan.” Seungwoo’s voice is incredibly close now. In fact, Yohan is pretty sure he felt his hyung’s breath against his ear when he spoke. Still, he can’t bring himself to look. His face is burning red and a nervous peel of giggles is lodged dangerously in his throat. At any moment he might just completely lose it. At any second, he could quite possibly just melt through the roof.

“Yohan-ie.” Seungwoo repeats himself, but this time there’s the slight tilt of a whine to his voice. All the air leaves Yohan’s lungs in a whoosh and he finds himself choking on his own breath. Reflexively, he twists around - and finds Seungwoo’s face centimeters away from his own. Time seems to stop, the moment suspending them in what must be some kind of alternate reality. Yohan doesn’t move.

“Okay.”

Yohan can feel Seungwoo’s breath against his lips when he speaks and it makes him shiver, despite the warm, early autumn night. But he’s… agreeing? Yohan’s brain is having trouble registering and deciphering the simple word. And then suddenly Seungwoo is moving impossibly closer, forcing Yohan back against the brick wall. It feels like all the oxygen has been squeezed out from the increasingly small space between them.

But then, abruptly, Seungwoo drops his chin to his chest and lets out a warm burst of laughter. The incredible speed at which Yohan’s heart falls into his stomach makes him feel like he’s been dropped off the side of the roof. Disappointment? Hurt? Embarrassment? He’s not exactly sure what he’s feeling, but it’s making him wish he _had_ been dropped off the side of the roof.

Looking up at him through his bangs, Seungwoo chuckles and points down.

“I just… something’s...poking me.” He snorts, trying to keep his laughter contained behind his lips.

Mortified, Yohan looks down. His green toothbrush, the offending object, is peeking out from the pocket of his shorts. When he looks back up, Seungwoo has shifted to his front and is leaning in close once again, but it’s all too much now. Completely flustered, he practically body rolls up the brick to his feet and slips away from the wall, breaking out into nervous, uncontrollable giggles. He holds his hands up in a gesture of surrender and backs towards the stairs.

“I’m just gonna… I was actually just heading to the bathroom and… yeah.” He’s practically bouncing backwards on his heels now, Seungwoo grinning and nodding sarcastically.

He’s at the door, feet away from the safety of the stairwell, when Seungwoo calls out, “take care of it, will you?”

Yohan claps his hand over his mouth, but he can’t stop the new burst of giggles that escape from behind his lips. He barely manages to look over his shoulder and squeak out, “okay” before he disappears down the stairs, his pulse pounding loudly in his ears. As he shuffles back down the hall and into the dorms, he decides to just forego brushing his teeth. With the way his stomach is flipping around, he might be sick. But strangely, somehow it’s not an entirely terrible feeling. As he quietly slips into bed, trying his best not to disturb the soundly sleeping Dongpyo, he wonders what the hell just happened. One undeniable fact is that for a moment, Seungwoo was open and honest. It was progress. And even if the stuff that came after was just an attempt to distract from his display of vulnerability, Yohan can’t help but find himself hoping they try having another heart-to-heart again really really soon.


End file.
